First off, I want to apologize for my previous opinionated post, and especially if it offended anyone. I just now reread it with more of an open mind and realized I could have very easily come off as haughty or self-righteous, and I did not mean for that to happen. So, please forgive me if I have stepped on your toes in stating my opinionated views. It was unconsciously done.
On a bright note... I am relieved and happy to announce that Jameson Caleb Wilson is HERE!!! He was born, as I predicted, at a whopping 10 pounds, 3 ounces, on Wednesday, November 9th, at 4:21 in the afternoon. It has been a wonderful three weeks so far getting to know him and take care of him.
He is perfect.
The labor and delivery went very smoothly. My doctor scheduled me to go in at 6 PM Tuesday night for a Cervadel treatment (a cervix softener, which normally helps start labor). Caleb and I went to the hospital Tuesday night and found out that I had already started labor on my own (I had had some more real-feeling contractions the night before, though they were hardly regular.) My water broke on its own at 4 AM, Wednesday morning. And I labored for the next twelve hours, finishing with less than ten minutes of pushing.
So thankful not to be pregnant any more! Jamie was getting pretty uncomfortable those last couple months... now I know to really watch what I'm eating for the next one, since he was a "little" ten-pounder. They just get bigger from here on out, right??
Cillian loves his new baby brother. For a 17-month-old, he is (most of the time) surprisingly gentle toward him, which is really sweet to watch. Jamie receives many a kiss on the head and pats on the arm or back from his big brother.
So far, Jameson is a wonderful eater, a pretty good sleeper, and an overall content little guy (like his brother was as a newborn). I think it's really interesting how, with one's first baby, everyone tries to figure out which parent the baby looks more like, whereas the second is compared almost exclusively with the older sibling. I am seeing more and more of Jamie resembling Cillian, though he certainly has his own look.
Things really are pretty easy as of now, despite having another little one to care for. Caleb had nearly three weeks off this time around, which was an amazing help. My mom came back to help out for a few days when Caleb went back to work this week, and that was also much, much appreciated! So now I'm on my own. :) Tomorrow is the first day. Say a prayer for me if you think of it.
I must say, I am amazed at how quickly I'm recovering. I feel nearly back to normal already! And I suppose losing 20 pounds almost instantaneously certainly makes a difference in how I'm feeling. I tell ya... if you want to see yourself lose weight instantly, just have a ten pound baby. I love love looooooove being able to bend over again! My restless leg syndrome is gone, and I'm not nearly as breathless as I was while pregnant (so nice). I generally feel better all over as compared to my recovery with Cillian.
I'm probably getting less sleep with Jamie than with Cillian as a newborn, but then again, I don't remember too clearly just how much sleep I was getting as a first time mom. Thank goodness Cillian still sleeps in until 9 AM every morning now!
So thankful that Jamie is here now and healthy and growing. At three weeks old, he is now 11 lbs, 3 oz, exactly a pound more than he weighed at birth, which I am very happy for! Glad to know he's healthily gaining weight.
More updates soon. And pictures on facebook, I promise! Soon soon.
For now... here's the Quote of the Day. For the first time, I thought I'd make it original, since it applies...
Quote of the Day:
"Love, to me, is defined by how calm-hearted I can be during the multiple times I get up in the night to tend to this little creature who needs me to love him and keep him alive as much as I need him to teach me patience and purity of heart."
~ NCW
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Waiting
It is the season of waiting. Everything is in place, nearly everything of importance is ready. All we're waiting for is a baby to show up. :)
This past Saturday, we got a new car seat (a toddler, forward-facing one) for Cillian, so that his old car seat can be used for Jameson. It has made a remarkable difference in his mood, now that he is able to see everything the way we do in the car. His first ride in his new seat was to church Sunday morning, and he smiled and laughed the whole way. I'm so happy he loves it. It's cute - he kind of gets this little grin when he knows he is about to get put in his seat. Such a nice change from the resistant mini tantrums we've been dealing with.
So that is a very important thing that is now taken care of with flying colors!
I just ordered a new diaper bag on Amazon.com, since we lost the one we had at a rest stop last May. (We've been using a borrowed tote for the time being.) Very excited about this new one though. It's called a Diaper Dude diaper bag, and it really looks quite manly. Designed for dads essentially, it is a messenger bag style with one shoulder strap (which leaves both hands free), and has several zippered compartments, which makes keeping things organized easy. A bit more on the expensive end for a diaper bag, but I think we'll be exceedingly happy with it! Plus, it's very masculine-looking, we will have two boys, and my husband is eager to use it. Win, win, win.
I'm visiting the doctor's office weekly now - 39 weeks as of Wednesday! My doctor estimated Jameson to be 8 pounds already... and that was last Wednesday. So, I've been trying to avoid sweets and sugary things for these remaining weeks so as not to contribute to making this baby any bigger than he has to be! I'm guessing that he'll be around a week late, and nearing 10 pounds. Just to be safely prepared. Due date is November 2nd, so I'm giving him until the 9th. But we'll see... he might be in more of a hurry than I'm giving him credit for. :)
In the meantime, I'm just enjoying the days I have at home with Cillian, my little buddy. We have such a nice routine, and though it will be refreshing to have a new change to adjust to, I sure will miss our peaceful mornings together, just him and me. I hope I can consciously pay as much attention to him as he needs from me, despite having a new little son to bond with. I'm looking forward to being a mother of two boys!
Not to go into a complaining session of the aches and pains of third-trimester pregnancy, but I sure feel ready to get this kid out. I can feel the stress on my body and the timer is ticking. I will miss all this kicking and moving though. Jamie is quite an active little fella. I think I saw a foot pop out the other day! He is head down and ready to go, which is something I'm particularly grateful for. This also means that his feet are continuously sneaking their way up into my ribs...
I'm finding myself looking forward not only to finally holding Jameson and getting to see him for the first time (and the physical relief that childbirth will bring), but actually going through labor and delivery naturally again. I have to say, I've never had quite a spiritual experience as I had when giving birth to Cillian. Truthfully, (and not to be mock-modest or anything) labor was not as painful as I expected it to be, and yes, it is painful - any woman who has given birth knows this! But it is truly the best pain I have ever felt. There is so much good in this kind of pain. And I wish every woman could experience childbirth as deeply spiritual. There you are, in the presence of God, sacrificing, laboring, being.
Fr. Meletios Weber says in "Bread & Water, Wine & Oil" that one can only find God in the present. He does not exist in the past nor the future, which are the dwelling places of the mind. But the heart, the nous, he says, dwells in the present. And there, we can be. Not reminiscing or imagining, as our minds' nature takes us to the past or future, but being. This is what I felt in the midst of the pain while in labor - the pain continually brought me into the present, where God was, and there I was able to work through it, contraction after contraction through the end.
Not all pain is bad... I think it's kind of sad how many women (and more specifically American women, I've read) seem to be so eager to request pain medication for such a miraculous occasion as giving birth to a baby. It is not an illness, or something to be avoided though there happens to be a "cure for the pain" nowadays. Women centuries and thousands of years before us have given birth naturally perfectly capably without medical assistance. Our female bodies were created to handle this joyous occasion, in all of its pain and pleasure. If God didn't include natural painkillers in the beginning, perhaps they aren't meant to be had! The pain meant to be felt is good, and even more, it is holy.
There are some things that are meant to be experienced organically, naturally, I believe. And childbirth, in my opinion is certainly one of them. There is so much one can miss in this experience. I just know for me, that I am determined to experience all of it, to feel all of it, as I believe God intended.
In childbirth, women are continually working out their salvation, hand in hand with God. It is good work. It is holy work, to bring a baby, life, into the world.
I didn't quite mean to get so zealous about the subject... do forgive me if I have been too opinionated!
I am ready. I'm ready to meet my Jameson.
Back to preparing... I have several long lists (anyone who knows me well knows that I loooooove making lists,) of what needs to be done before he arrives. Much of it includes last minute straightening and tidying and organizing, making some plans for Christmas (so I have it easier come December, when it's actually time to think about Christmas...), and also packing for the hospital. I really hope I'm prepared by the time he comes. I keep thinking that I've got several weeks left on the timer, but really, he could come ANY time now!
I'll keep you posted on how things progress. For now, I'll leave you with the Quote of the Day! This one made me chuckle...
Thanks for reading. :)
Cheers.
"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." ~ Leo J. Burke
This past Saturday, we got a new car seat (a toddler, forward-facing one) for Cillian, so that his old car seat can be used for Jameson. It has made a remarkable difference in his mood, now that he is able to see everything the way we do in the car. His first ride in his new seat was to church Sunday morning, and he smiled and laughed the whole way. I'm so happy he loves it. It's cute - he kind of gets this little grin when he knows he is about to get put in his seat. Such a nice change from the resistant mini tantrums we've been dealing with.
So that is a very important thing that is now taken care of with flying colors!
I just ordered a new diaper bag on Amazon.com, since we lost the one we had at a rest stop last May. (We've been using a borrowed tote for the time being.) Very excited about this new one though. It's called a Diaper Dude diaper bag, and it really looks quite manly. Designed for dads essentially, it is a messenger bag style with one shoulder strap (which leaves both hands free), and has several zippered compartments, which makes keeping things organized easy. A bit more on the expensive end for a diaper bag, but I think we'll be exceedingly happy with it! Plus, it's very masculine-looking, we will have two boys, and my husband is eager to use it. Win, win, win.
I'm visiting the doctor's office weekly now - 39 weeks as of Wednesday! My doctor estimated Jameson to be 8 pounds already... and that was last Wednesday. So, I've been trying to avoid sweets and sugary things for these remaining weeks so as not to contribute to making this baby any bigger than he has to be! I'm guessing that he'll be around a week late, and nearing 10 pounds. Just to be safely prepared. Due date is November 2nd, so I'm giving him until the 9th. But we'll see... he might be in more of a hurry than I'm giving him credit for. :)
In the meantime, I'm just enjoying the days I have at home with Cillian, my little buddy. We have such a nice routine, and though it will be refreshing to have a new change to adjust to, I sure will miss our peaceful mornings together, just him and me. I hope I can consciously pay as much attention to him as he needs from me, despite having a new little son to bond with. I'm looking forward to being a mother of two boys!
Not to go into a complaining session of the aches and pains of third-trimester pregnancy, but I sure feel ready to get this kid out. I can feel the stress on my body and the timer is ticking. I will miss all this kicking and moving though. Jamie is quite an active little fella. I think I saw a foot pop out the other day! He is head down and ready to go, which is something I'm particularly grateful for. This also means that his feet are continuously sneaking their way up into my ribs...
I'm finding myself looking forward not only to finally holding Jameson and getting to see him for the first time (and the physical relief that childbirth will bring), but actually going through labor and delivery naturally again. I have to say, I've never had quite a spiritual experience as I had when giving birth to Cillian. Truthfully, (and not to be mock-modest or anything) labor was not as painful as I expected it to be, and yes, it is painful - any woman who has given birth knows this! But it is truly the best pain I have ever felt. There is so much good in this kind of pain. And I wish every woman could experience childbirth as deeply spiritual. There you are, in the presence of God, sacrificing, laboring, being.
Fr. Meletios Weber says in "Bread & Water, Wine & Oil" that one can only find God in the present. He does not exist in the past nor the future, which are the dwelling places of the mind. But the heart, the nous, he says, dwells in the present. And there, we can be. Not reminiscing or imagining, as our minds' nature takes us to the past or future, but being. This is what I felt in the midst of the pain while in labor - the pain continually brought me into the present, where God was, and there I was able to work through it, contraction after contraction through the end.
Not all pain is bad... I think it's kind of sad how many women (and more specifically American women, I've read) seem to be so eager to request pain medication for such a miraculous occasion as giving birth to a baby. It is not an illness, or something to be avoided though there happens to be a "cure for the pain" nowadays. Women centuries and thousands of years before us have given birth naturally perfectly capably without medical assistance. Our female bodies were created to handle this joyous occasion, in all of its pain and pleasure. If God didn't include natural painkillers in the beginning, perhaps they aren't meant to be had! The pain meant to be felt is good, and even more, it is holy.
There are some things that are meant to be experienced organically, naturally, I believe. And childbirth, in my opinion is certainly one of them. There is so much one can miss in this experience. I just know for me, that I am determined to experience all of it, to feel all of it, as I believe God intended.
In childbirth, women are continually working out their salvation, hand in hand with God. It is good work. It is holy work, to bring a baby, life, into the world.
I didn't quite mean to get so zealous about the subject... do forgive me if I have been too opinionated!
I am ready. I'm ready to meet my Jameson.
Back to preparing... I have several long lists (anyone who knows me well knows that I loooooove making lists,) of what needs to be done before he arrives. Much of it includes last minute straightening and tidying and organizing, making some plans for Christmas (so I have it easier come December, when it's actually time to think about Christmas...), and also packing for the hospital. I really hope I'm prepared by the time he comes. I keep thinking that I've got several weeks left on the timer, but really, he could come ANY time now!
I'll keep you posted on how things progress. For now, I'll leave you with the Quote of the Day! This one made me chuckle...
Thanks for reading. :)
Cheers.
"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." ~ Leo J. Burke
Monday, October 10, 2011
I Have a Pet Named Peeve
Alrighty... here goes. I'm shaking things up a bit. I know I usually make it a point to write POSITIVE posts, but I just couldn't help but slip on this one. Not to say this post promises negativity, but it's simply not a typical Acclimation Central post. However, my hope is that it'll just make you laugh or nod in agreement.
I would say I'm mostly a tolerate person, but when it comes to certain particular things, I can get a bit peeved! Fundamentally, I think incompetency and incorrectness are my biggest peeves.
However, without further ado, here are a few of my particular pet peeves.
1 - Bad grammar, especially when it's obvious that laziness is behind it rather than ignorance.
2 - Bad spelling, same reason.
3 - An incompetent parking job... especially when more than the allotted space is taken up, which inflicts inconvenience upon other neighboring parkers. Also, when said impinging vehicle is not expensive enough to be taking up two spaces.
4 - Whining. Adults, children, teenagers alike, I can't stand whining. (Not that I should be hypocritical - I do my fair share of whining! This post, for example, could be interpreted as whining, I suppose. Oh dear.)
5 - Unnecessary swearing - both in movies and in real life. Use a more intelligent means of expressing yourself, that's all I ask. You'll be doing yourself a favor. :)
6 - Rudeness. It makes me want to punch things. And people. Ok, not really.
7 - Sarcastic eye rolling.
8 - Food on the floor - it merely means I have to bend over and pick it up. Pathetic, I know, but it's a true pet peeve.
9 - Missing socks... anyone who does laundry knows that those machines just eat up socks like they haven't had a meal in weeks. It's true, I'm sure of it.
10 - Forgetting something even when I've repeatedly and determinedly done everything I can TO remember it. (I have a sneaking suspicion this is only going to get worse the older I become.)
11 - Prepositions that are incorrectly added to the end of a sentence at.
12 - Many, many more verbally grammatical errors... I won't get specific.
13 - Spilling things on myself, particularly when it's a freshly laundered shirt I've been looking forward to wearing.
Generally... most of these things I don't even get thaaaat mad about. They're just things that red flag my brain as incorrect or bothersome. But I hope you got at least a bit of a chuckle out of this post. I apologize if it left a bad taste in your mouth.
I hope you have a great, pet-peeve-free day! Cheers.
Here's the Quote of the Day:
“The road to success is always under construction.” ~ Lily Tomlin
I would say I'm mostly a tolerate person, but when it comes to certain particular things, I can get a bit peeved! Fundamentally, I think incompetency and incorrectness are my biggest peeves.
However, without further ado, here are a few of my particular pet peeves.
1 - Bad grammar, especially when it's obvious that laziness is behind it rather than ignorance.
2 - Bad spelling, same reason.
3 - An incompetent parking job... especially when more than the allotted space is taken up, which inflicts inconvenience upon other neighboring parkers. Also, when said impinging vehicle is not expensive enough to be taking up two spaces.
4 - Whining. Adults, children, teenagers alike, I can't stand whining. (Not that I should be hypocritical - I do my fair share of whining! This post, for example, could be interpreted as whining, I suppose. Oh dear.)
5 - Unnecessary swearing - both in movies and in real life. Use a more intelligent means of expressing yourself, that's all I ask. You'll be doing yourself a favor. :)
6 - Rudeness. It makes me want to punch things. And people. Ok, not really.
7 - Sarcastic eye rolling.
8 - Food on the floor - it merely means I have to bend over and pick it up. Pathetic, I know, but it's a true pet peeve.
9 - Missing socks... anyone who does laundry knows that those machines just eat up socks like they haven't had a meal in weeks. It's true, I'm sure of it.
10 - Forgetting something even when I've repeatedly and determinedly done everything I can TO remember it. (I have a sneaking suspicion this is only going to get worse the older I become.)
11 - Prepositions that are incorrectly added to the end of a sentence at.
12 - Many, many more verbally grammatical errors... I won't get specific.
13 - Spilling things on myself, particularly when it's a freshly laundered shirt I've been looking forward to wearing.
Generally... most of these things I don't even get thaaaat mad about. They're just things that red flag my brain as incorrect or bothersome. But I hope you got at least a bit of a chuckle out of this post. I apologize if it left a bad taste in your mouth.
I hope you have a great, pet-peeve-free day! Cheers.
Here's the Quote of the Day:
“The road to success is always under construction.” ~ Lily Tomlin
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Some of My Favorite Things...
I'm feeling rather euphoric for some reason. I believe this calls for a post on favorite things... Here are some that come to mind - thinking about these things makes my heart smile.
Hope you enjoy them.
- A newly clean-shaven husband (it reminds me of our wedding day...)
- Baby dimples
- Green lights. They mean go. :)
- A quiet house
- Long sleeves on a brisk fall day
- Discovering a new blog
- Watching Cillian explore something new
- Striking color combinations
- Clear skin
- Sitting down to a dinner cooked by my husband
- Feeling Jameson kick
- Crafting :)
- Seeing Cillian's excited little face when he hears an airplane
- An organized purse
- Reading Harry Potter to Caleb (just finished book 6!)
- Looking through old pictures and reading old letters
- The voice of Josh Groban
- A stylish new outfit
- Playing word games
- Surprises
- PEACHES
- Not dropping things on the floor (as in, I HATE bending down and picking up something I've unnecessarily or clumsily dropped.)
- Practicing new piano compositions
- Receiving personal mail
- Snuggling
- Good deals and sales
- Climbing into bed before 11 PM
I could think of many more, but I'll leave it at that. :) For now, those are my favorite things of today. I'd love to hear some of yours.
Here's the Quote of the Day:
"Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them."
~ Leo Tolstoy
Hope you enjoy them.
- A newly clean-shaven husband (it reminds me of our wedding day...)
- Baby dimples
- Green lights. They mean go. :)
- A quiet house
- Long sleeves on a brisk fall day
- Discovering a new blog
- Watching Cillian explore something new
- Striking color combinations
- Clear skin
- Sitting down to a dinner cooked by my husband
- Feeling Jameson kick
- Crafting :)
- Seeing Cillian's excited little face when he hears an airplane
- An organized purse
- Reading Harry Potter to Caleb (just finished book 6!)
- Looking through old pictures and reading old letters
- The voice of Josh Groban
- A stylish new outfit
- Playing word games
- Surprises
- PEACHES
- Not dropping things on the floor (as in, I HATE bending down and picking up something I've unnecessarily or clumsily dropped.)
- Practicing new piano compositions
- Receiving personal mail
- Snuggling
- Good deals and sales
- Climbing into bed before 11 PM
I could think of many more, but I'll leave it at that. :) For now, those are my favorite things of today. I'd love to hear some of yours.
Here's the Quote of the Day:
"Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them."
~ Leo Tolstoy
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Birthday Weekend
I am now twenty two years old, two years and two months married, and thirty-two weeks pregnant while chasing around an exploring 15-month old.
I love it.
Though I'm feeling like a house - a house dragged along on wheels, since I have to keep up with Cillian's quick, chubby little legs - I am more than ready to have another baby boy around. But even though the enormous feeling that comes with being this pregnant is there, I am trying to savor these last few weeks I have, feeling Jameson's kicks and squirms inside me, uncomfortable though they are quickly becoming.
Honestly, I will be surprised if Jameson comes out smaller than Cillian was - this child feels huge! And he is certainly stronger and more active than Cillian was at this point, and Cillian hardly gave me a rest. I love feeling all this kicking though, as if Jamie is already trying to compete with Cillian for my attention. I have a hunch that he's going to give Cillian a run for his money as soon as he comes out.
This weekend was quite a fun one, beginning with a drive to Cincinnati to celebrate my birthday with my family and dear auntie, then home for Sunday and part of Monday. Mom Wilson came in the afternoon to pick Cillian up so Caleb and I could drive to Batesville for our overnight getaway at Stonebridge Inn and Spa! It is our favorite place to relax.... I cannot stress how beautiful and quaint this place is. If you wish to see for yourself, here is a link to their website.
http://stonebridgeinnandspa.com/
The hospitality, the rooms, the house, the view, the atmosphere, the spa, the staff.... it's all the epitome of perfection, in my opinion! Caleb and I both had massages on Tuesday, which were heavenly... it was a wonderful birthday.
Today is a catch-up/recovery day. I'm working through a small mountain of laundry, writing some thank-you notes, and straightening the house a tad bit, whilst enjoying a quiet day with my little buddy. Maybe we'll go take a walk later. It's supposed to be nice and cool out today.
Speaking of said buddy... I can hear him waking up from his nap. Just talking softly to himself. He's usually so sweet and cuddly when he wakes up from a nap.
I can't stand it. I must go get him. Writing will have to wait. So for now, this will have to do!
Here is the Quote of the Day:
"Whatever you may be seeking, seek it with all your strength, but do not expect your own search and efforts to bear fruit of themselves. Put your trust in the Lord, ascribing nothing to yourself, and He will give you your heart's desire."
~ St. Theophan the Recluse
I love it.
Though I'm feeling like a house - a house dragged along on wheels, since I have to keep up with Cillian's quick, chubby little legs - I am more than ready to have another baby boy around. But even though the enormous feeling that comes with being this pregnant is there, I am trying to savor these last few weeks I have, feeling Jameson's kicks and squirms inside me, uncomfortable though they are quickly becoming.
Honestly, I will be surprised if Jameson comes out smaller than Cillian was - this child feels huge! And he is certainly stronger and more active than Cillian was at this point, and Cillian hardly gave me a rest. I love feeling all this kicking though, as if Jamie is already trying to compete with Cillian for my attention. I have a hunch that he's going to give Cillian a run for his money as soon as he comes out.
This weekend was quite a fun one, beginning with a drive to Cincinnati to celebrate my birthday with my family and dear auntie, then home for Sunday and part of Monday. Mom Wilson came in the afternoon to pick Cillian up so Caleb and I could drive to Batesville for our overnight getaway at Stonebridge Inn and Spa! It is our favorite place to relax.... I cannot stress how beautiful and quaint this place is. If you wish to see for yourself, here is a link to their website.
http://stonebridgeinnandspa.com/
The hospitality, the rooms, the house, the view, the atmosphere, the spa, the staff.... it's all the epitome of perfection, in my opinion! Caleb and I both had massages on Tuesday, which were heavenly... it was a wonderful birthday.
Today is a catch-up/recovery day. I'm working through a small mountain of laundry, writing some thank-you notes, and straightening the house a tad bit, whilst enjoying a quiet day with my little buddy. Maybe we'll go take a walk later. It's supposed to be nice and cool out today.
Speaking of said buddy... I can hear him waking up from his nap. Just talking softly to himself. He's usually so sweet and cuddly when he wakes up from a nap.
I can't stand it. I must go get him. Writing will have to wait. So for now, this will have to do!
Here is the Quote of the Day:
"Whatever you may be seeking, seek it with all your strength, but do not expect your own search and efforts to bear fruit of themselves. Put your trust in the Lord, ascribing nothing to yourself, and He will give you your heart's desire."
~ St. Theophan the Recluse
Friday, July 29, 2011
Some Thoughts on Marriage
I suppose I'm on an introspective kick recently as far as writing goes, and it is refreshing for me. These are things I enjoy pondering about most - ways of life, and most specifically, the married way of life.
I have been married for little over two years, and though I do know I'm highly inexperienced in this way of life compared to anyone who has been married longer than a mere two years, I cannot restrain myself from writing some thoughts I've had about it.
So, bear with me if I'm trite today - I simply wish to share some things I've learned from these two eye-opening, and very growing years I have had with my husband so far. :)
You know the question "where do you see yourself in five years?" that people love to ask at summer camps or in semi-deep conversations? Well... if someone had told me where I'd be in five years when I was a 16-year-old junior in high school, my first question might have been exactly how they thought such a future in the distant five years ahead of me was possible.
Five years really isn't that long, I'm coming to realize, the older I become. And truly, it does feel like I've been married much longer than only two years. A lot has happened to me since I walked down the aisle... And I'm speculating now at just how behind I could have been in my own personal development had I not been fortunate enough to get married at the green age of nineteen. Boy, I knew absolutely nothing then. Not to say I know everything there is to know now that I can check off two years of marriage, but I hope I'm a trifle more knowledgeable.
It's seems so common to hear from people that "the first year of marriage is the hardest" and I'm glad to say that that was certainly not the case for us. Don't mistake me, there was definitely much for us to learn - for me, things about men, for Caleb, things about women, sacrifice (for both of us), what it looked like to each of us what it meant to be and feel genuinely loved, and generally that men and women are starkly different - but it wasn't what I would characterize as a difficult year for us.
Caleb and I are generally very happy people left to our own devices, and together we're even happier. The chemistry of our math has panned out as a very good thing (happy times happy equals happier.) But on a greater scale, I think what we worked the most on in our first year was communicating clearly, and that was what made it all seem easier.
The importance and beauty of perfectly clear communication cannot be exaggerated. It is golden. Even when you think you are doing enough, there is no limit to how equal-minded you can become with your spouse. You learn to communicate on deeper level after deeper level, discovering new depth you couldn't have imagined possible between two human beings. But that is the sweetness of marriage... you can never stop learning, and you will always be learning together, though sometimes at different paces. This is a lesson I look forward to continue learning over and over in my marriage.
Something else I have discovered is that there is no such thing as "50-50." Sacrifice is not 50-50. Even the trapping mindset of "give and take" has no place of belonging in a healthy marriage. With it present, one is easily subject to give in to selfishness and entitlement - surely qualities one doesn't want lingering and festering in one's relationship with their spouse. There is only give and give. I think there is a fine line between entitlement and communicating what needs you have that must be met, else you become resentful when those needs are not met in the marriage. One cannot be demanding or self-important.
One thing I've just started learning this past year is how helpful it is to put myself in Caleb's shoes. When I'm at home all day, waiting for him to get home and possibly having had a difficult day, counting on a break when he walks through that front door, it cannot be stressed enough how necessary it is for me to imagine what his day was like so I can put things in perspective. He might have had a hard day too, and while that certainly doesn't negate how mine was, it in no way enables it to be greater in need in comparison. The home is a sanctuary for the working man. And it is the wife's duty to ensure that it always stays that way.
Duty - not typically a word I would first think of when describing marriage, but it is important. Establishing a sense of duty in oneself takes practice, and I am no proficient. I think that maybe it's a bit of a grey area simply because it looks different in every marriage - just as there are a different set of expectations in every marriage. It is relevant nonetheless, to have a sense of duty as a husband or wife in one's marriage.
Something we both learned quickly soon after becoming man and wife was that communicating our expectations in one another was a capital necessity. Most of the time, I hardly knew what my expectations of Caleb (much less myself) even were until they weren't being met. Then we talked about it. Funny things, expectations... I think it's good to determine what is realistic versus what should be put on a shelf as a goal to work toward. I know there were unrealistic expectations we both had (and still have) of one another, and when you can clearly distinguish what is possible and what is not, it is exceedingly easier to get over your disappointment and shortcomings and accept things for how they truly are and not what you wish they'd be.
Going off from that tangent... One of the best lessons I've discovered is that in order to KEEP being happy in one's marriage, one must love the one you are with. Window shopping is over. You are married, taken, spoken for. And for me, falling into the mental trap of wishing that my husband could be better at something or wishing about things I would love for him to do or be only leads to dissatisfaction and bitterness. Being content with the spouse you are married to takes practice, and it is important to be vigilant about it. It is so easy to compare one's spouse to others... but it can quickly become a destructive habit if one allows oneself to always be wishing for more. Contentment is key.
One of the things we read about in our premarital counseling book, "Preserve Them, O Lord," (by Fr. John Mack) is of the importance of working on oneself and not going into marriage intending to change your spouse. (This is one of the biggest mistakes people can make when entering a marriage, Fr. Mack says.) The most effective way of changing anyone is to change oneself first and foremost. And it couldn't be truer in our marriage. There is no use in nagging or persuading or threatening. There exists hardly a more stubborn thing than the human will. Thus, all one can do if one seeks change in their spouse is to give up and instead work on oneself diligently. Actions speak louder than words, and with time, change can inspire change.
Conscious, intentional Love - if you've been married more than a year, you know for a fact that the initial twitterpation being engaged engenders truly does wear off. It is something seasonal, but it plays a necessary part. When we were newly in love, I vowed to myself never to "fall out of" infatuation with Caleb. How wonderfully mistaken I was to learn that this incredibly romantic and sometimes ridiculous phase comes to an end. Everything has a time, and love does change. I'm happy to say that we are not the same couple we were three years ago when we were engaged. The budding romantic love deepens into more meaningful, understanding love with time.
There are seasons of love, and even though one may not "feel in love" with one's spouse at some times, it is important to know that it is the decision of consciously and intentionally loving that makes a marriage successful, especially in those phases where you may not be attracted to your spouse. Because, as much as I'm sure we would all love to say that we are unconditionally and hopelessly in love with our spouse, there truly are times when we may not feel so warm and fuzzy about them. But that definitely does not give us permission to act unloving. Love truly is a decision to make at the start of every day we face, regardless of whether or not it is an easy choice.
Ok, here's one of my favorites... As wives, we are called to respect our husbands, and husbands you are called to love us, your wives. This does NOT mean that if my husband is not loving toward me that I am allowed to disrespect him! I am instructed to respect Caleb and submit to him at all times, regardless of how he acts toward me. The same goes for husbands, if we wives are not respecting them or submitting to them, that in no way gives them the go ahead to be unloving toward us. This is more of what I meant when previously mentioning the myth of 50-50 in a marriage. Such a marriage will be short-lived, I'm certain. Here is the illustration, a clear instruction of how we are supposed to live in our married lives, each giving 100% of ourselves and not keeping a tally of how much he did or she did. It does not measure, and it does not matter - that is not the point of marriage.
Fundamentally, the best image I can think of to describe marriage is being forever strapped to a mirror. This mirror reveals the best and worst qualities in us - some we knew were there, others we never could have seen without the mirror. We are forced to look at ourselves through the mirror at all times, whether we want to or not. Sometimes the truth of the mirror is kind, most others, it is painful. But we cannot look away once we see what we are truly made of once portrayed clearly in that mirror. We can try to hide, burying the things we wish not to face in ourselves. But there is no denying what is there once the unabashed truth of ourselves is revealed.
And that, I think, is why growing as a spouse with your spouse is one of the most excruciatingly painful but simultaneously fulfilling and transforming experiences in marriage. We are shaping one another into better people than we could ever have become on our own. Iron against iron, unpolished stone upon unpolished stone, we are such unfinished works of art without our counterparts. I hope I'm perfect when I die. (Only kidding.)
I love being married. The work is hard, but rewarding. But then, ONLY if you work hard at marriage will it be rewarding. I am happier than ever that I chose Caleb to share my life with, and that he chose me back. I am his, and he is mine, and with God, together we are whole, we are one.
Thank you Lord, for these two years with my beloved.
Here's the Quote of the Day:
"Marriage is the key of moderation and the harmony of the desires, the seal of a deep friendship... the unique drink from a fountain enclosed, inaccessible to those without. United in the flesh, one in spirit, they urge each other on by the goad of their mutual love. For marriage does not remove God, but brings all closer to Him. for it is God Himself who draws us to it."
~ St. Gregory the Theologian (quote from "Preserve Them, O Lord")
I have been married for little over two years, and though I do know I'm highly inexperienced in this way of life compared to anyone who has been married longer than a mere two years, I cannot restrain myself from writing some thoughts I've had about it.
So, bear with me if I'm trite today - I simply wish to share some things I've learned from these two eye-opening, and very growing years I have had with my husband so far. :)
You know the question "where do you see yourself in five years?" that people love to ask at summer camps or in semi-deep conversations? Well... if someone had told me where I'd be in five years when I was a 16-year-old junior in high school, my first question might have been exactly how they thought such a future in the distant five years ahead of me was possible.
Five years really isn't that long, I'm coming to realize, the older I become. And truly, it does feel like I've been married much longer than only two years. A lot has happened to me since I walked down the aisle... And I'm speculating now at just how behind I could have been in my own personal development had I not been fortunate enough to get married at the green age of nineteen. Boy, I knew absolutely nothing then. Not to say I know everything there is to know now that I can check off two years of marriage, but I hope I'm a trifle more knowledgeable.
It's seems so common to hear from people that "the first year of marriage is the hardest" and I'm glad to say that that was certainly not the case for us. Don't mistake me, there was definitely much for us to learn - for me, things about men, for Caleb, things about women, sacrifice (for both of us), what it looked like to each of us what it meant to be and feel genuinely loved, and generally that men and women are starkly different - but it wasn't what I would characterize as a difficult year for us.
Caleb and I are generally very happy people left to our own devices, and together we're even happier. The chemistry of our math has panned out as a very good thing (happy times happy equals happier.) But on a greater scale, I think what we worked the most on in our first year was communicating clearly, and that was what made it all seem easier.
The importance and beauty of perfectly clear communication cannot be exaggerated. It is golden. Even when you think you are doing enough, there is no limit to how equal-minded you can become with your spouse. You learn to communicate on deeper level after deeper level, discovering new depth you couldn't have imagined possible between two human beings. But that is the sweetness of marriage... you can never stop learning, and you will always be learning together, though sometimes at different paces. This is a lesson I look forward to continue learning over and over in my marriage.
Something else I have discovered is that there is no such thing as "50-50." Sacrifice is not 50-50. Even the trapping mindset of "give and take" has no place of belonging in a healthy marriage. With it present, one is easily subject to give in to selfishness and entitlement - surely qualities one doesn't want lingering and festering in one's relationship with their spouse. There is only give and give. I think there is a fine line between entitlement and communicating what needs you have that must be met, else you become resentful when those needs are not met in the marriage. One cannot be demanding or self-important.
One thing I've just started learning this past year is how helpful it is to put myself in Caleb's shoes. When I'm at home all day, waiting for him to get home and possibly having had a difficult day, counting on a break when he walks through that front door, it cannot be stressed enough how necessary it is for me to imagine what his day was like so I can put things in perspective. He might have had a hard day too, and while that certainly doesn't negate how mine was, it in no way enables it to be greater in need in comparison. The home is a sanctuary for the working man. And it is the wife's duty to ensure that it always stays that way.
Duty - not typically a word I would first think of when describing marriage, but it is important. Establishing a sense of duty in oneself takes practice, and I am no proficient. I think that maybe it's a bit of a grey area simply because it looks different in every marriage - just as there are a different set of expectations in every marriage. It is relevant nonetheless, to have a sense of duty as a husband or wife in one's marriage.
Something we both learned quickly soon after becoming man and wife was that communicating our expectations in one another was a capital necessity. Most of the time, I hardly knew what my expectations of Caleb (much less myself) even were until they weren't being met. Then we talked about it. Funny things, expectations... I think it's good to determine what is realistic versus what should be put on a shelf as a goal to work toward. I know there were unrealistic expectations we both had (and still have) of one another, and when you can clearly distinguish what is possible and what is not, it is exceedingly easier to get over your disappointment and shortcomings and accept things for how they truly are and not what you wish they'd be.
Going off from that tangent... One of the best lessons I've discovered is that in order to KEEP being happy in one's marriage, one must love the one you are with. Window shopping is over. You are married, taken, spoken for. And for me, falling into the mental trap of wishing that my husband could be better at something or wishing about things I would love for him to do or be only leads to dissatisfaction and bitterness. Being content with the spouse you are married to takes practice, and it is important to be vigilant about it. It is so easy to compare one's spouse to others... but it can quickly become a destructive habit if one allows oneself to always be wishing for more. Contentment is key.
One of the things we read about in our premarital counseling book, "Preserve Them, O Lord," (by Fr. John Mack) is of the importance of working on oneself and not going into marriage intending to change your spouse. (This is one of the biggest mistakes people can make when entering a marriage, Fr. Mack says.) The most effective way of changing anyone is to change oneself first and foremost. And it couldn't be truer in our marriage. There is no use in nagging or persuading or threatening. There exists hardly a more stubborn thing than the human will. Thus, all one can do if one seeks change in their spouse is to give up and instead work on oneself diligently. Actions speak louder than words, and with time, change can inspire change.
Conscious, intentional Love - if you've been married more than a year, you know for a fact that the initial twitterpation being engaged engenders truly does wear off. It is something seasonal, but it plays a necessary part. When we were newly in love, I vowed to myself never to "fall out of" infatuation with Caleb. How wonderfully mistaken I was to learn that this incredibly romantic and sometimes ridiculous phase comes to an end. Everything has a time, and love does change. I'm happy to say that we are not the same couple we were three years ago when we were engaged. The budding romantic love deepens into more meaningful, understanding love with time.
There are seasons of love, and even though one may not "feel in love" with one's spouse at some times, it is important to know that it is the decision of consciously and intentionally loving that makes a marriage successful, especially in those phases where you may not be attracted to your spouse. Because, as much as I'm sure we would all love to say that we are unconditionally and hopelessly in love with our spouse, there truly are times when we may not feel so warm and fuzzy about them. But that definitely does not give us permission to act unloving. Love truly is a decision to make at the start of every day we face, regardless of whether or not it is an easy choice.
Ok, here's one of my favorites... As wives, we are called to respect our husbands, and husbands you are called to love us, your wives. This does NOT mean that if my husband is not loving toward me that I am allowed to disrespect him! I am instructed to respect Caleb and submit to him at all times, regardless of how he acts toward me. The same goes for husbands, if we wives are not respecting them or submitting to them, that in no way gives them the go ahead to be unloving toward us. This is more of what I meant when previously mentioning the myth of 50-50 in a marriage. Such a marriage will be short-lived, I'm certain. Here is the illustration, a clear instruction of how we are supposed to live in our married lives, each giving 100% of ourselves and not keeping a tally of how much he did or she did. It does not measure, and it does not matter - that is not the point of marriage.
Fundamentally, the best image I can think of to describe marriage is being forever strapped to a mirror. This mirror reveals the best and worst qualities in us - some we knew were there, others we never could have seen without the mirror. We are forced to look at ourselves through the mirror at all times, whether we want to or not. Sometimes the truth of the mirror is kind, most others, it is painful. But we cannot look away once we see what we are truly made of once portrayed clearly in that mirror. We can try to hide, burying the things we wish not to face in ourselves. But there is no denying what is there once the unabashed truth of ourselves is revealed.
And that, I think, is why growing as a spouse with your spouse is one of the most excruciatingly painful but simultaneously fulfilling and transforming experiences in marriage. We are shaping one another into better people than we could ever have become on our own. Iron against iron, unpolished stone upon unpolished stone, we are such unfinished works of art without our counterparts. I hope I'm perfect when I die. (Only kidding.)
I love being married. The work is hard, but rewarding. But then, ONLY if you work hard at marriage will it be rewarding. I am happier than ever that I chose Caleb to share my life with, and that he chose me back. I am his, and he is mine, and with God, together we are whole, we are one.
Thank you Lord, for these two years with my beloved.
Here's the Quote of the Day:
"Marriage is the key of moderation and the harmony of the desires, the seal of a deep friendship... the unique drink from a fountain enclosed, inaccessible to those without. United in the flesh, one in spirit, they urge each other on by the goad of their mutual love. For marriage does not remove God, but brings all closer to Him. for it is God Himself who draws us to it."
~ St. Gregory the Theologian (quote from "Preserve Them, O Lord")
Friday, July 22, 2011
The Proverbs 31 Woman
I was paging through a notebook of mine, searching for some spare blank space, and came across some Scripture verses I'd written down a while back. Something I like to do is practice penmanship, and what better way to practice than with the extensive, unlimited Scripture verses that I normally ingest much more easily than when I'm just reading them?
That said... a favorite of mine to write out is the last Proverbs chapter on the Wife of Noble Character or the Virtuous Wife.
I am not a knowledgeable priest, nor a scholarly seminarian, and hardly a theologian, but I just wanted to share my thoughts on what it means to me to strive to be that wife portrayed so beautifully in Proverbs.
It is not an easy calling to be a good wife. A GOOD wife. Sure, just about anyone can be a wife. But I want to be more than that. I want to strive to be what God esteems as this Wife of Noble Character.
"Who will find a courageous wife? For such a one is more valuable than precious stones."
Just the first two sentences sum it up for me.
"The heart of her husband trusts in her. She will not be at a loss for fine spoils, for she provides good things for her husband all her life."
This is truly poetry... the heart of her husband trusts in her - he does not have a worry because his wife is a capable, strong woman.
"She weaves wool and linen cloth and is productive with her hands. She is like a ship trading afar off, so she procures her livelihood."
What I get from this is that a noble wife takes the initiative when she sees an opportunity - she doesn't need anyone to tell her what to do - and she is creative with it, utilizing her talents to do something good and useful for her household, for others, for her family.
"She also rises before dawn and gives food to her household and appoints tasks for her maidservants."
I'm working on the getting up early part, and can already see why this is such a wonderful habit to get into. There is such an accomplished feeling being up before one's child(ren), preparing your mind and body for the day, getting things done, and being entirely ready for them when they wake up. And, seeing as I don't and most likely never will have "maidservants," my thought is that the last bit here could mean there is importance and value in being skilled at delegating. For me, this will certainly include being a successful homeschooling mom who can motivate her children well.
"Seeing a farm, she buys it, and from the fruits of her hands she plants her plot of land."
Again, seizing an opportunity, but with careful consideration... she is wise and hard-working.
"Strongly girding her loins, she strengthens her arms for work. She experiences work as a good thing, and her lamp is not quenched all night. She extends her arms to do profitable things, and she applies her hands to the spindle."
She is capable - physically strong and competent. I certainly need to work on this one. "Her lamp is not quenched all night." Even when she could be resting in the darkness of the evening, she works by the light of her lamp. She doesn't cease her work until it is finished. She has patience, determination, and self-control.
"She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out with her fruit to the needy."
She is a giving and kind woman. She seeks the needs of others and fills them with her generosity.
"Her husband is not anxious about those at home when he spends a long time elsewhere, for all her household are clothed."
This wife is not a needy woman. She is not a child. She is a true woman, who needs no reassurance in the good of her hard work. She is self-sufficient and able to look after her household when her husband is absent. (Not to say that she is fulfilled without her husband, but meaning that she is not useless without him there.)
"She makes a double upper garment for her husband and garments of fine linen and purple for herself. Her husband is respected at the gates and when he sits in council with the elders who inhabit the land. She makes and sells fine linens and girdles to the Canaanites."
She is an industrial woman - practical, skilled and creative. She is good with her hands.
"She opens her mouth carefully and lawfully and controls her tongue. She clothes herself with strength and dignity and rejoices in the last days. She runs her household carefully, and she does not eat the bread of idleness. She opens her mouth wisely and lawfully, and her charity raises her children, and they become rich, and her husband praises her, "Many daughters acquire riches; many do mighty things, but you excel and surpass them all." Desires to please are deceitful, and the beauty of a wife is vain; for a wise wife is blessed, and let her in fear praise the Lord. Give to her from the fruits of her hands, and let her husband praise her at the gates."
Oh to be worthy of such praise! What a calling we have, as wives striving to be godly and dutiful! This wonderful illustration of what it looks like to be such a God fearing wife is certainly no small ambition to achieve.
I have several models of women in my life who exemplify what it means to be this Proverbs 31 wife. They are my real life examples. To my mother, my husband's mother, all of my married sisters, and my many dear married friends - you all teach me how to become a more godly and devoted wife to my husband, step by step, in little ways, (though you may not realize it), and your examples are very admired and looked up to. You inspire me, as does the example given to us all in the Wife of Noble Character, to have the courage and strength to be a worthy wife.
Here's the Quote of the Day: (It's a favorite of mine...)
"Nothing is more powerful than a pious and sensible woman to bring her husband into proper order, and to mold his soul as she wills. For he will not listen to friends, or teachers, or rulers as much as he will his partner advising and counseling him, since the advice carries some pleasures with it, because she who gives the counsel is greatly loved."
~ St. John Chrysostom (a quote from "Preserve Them, O Lord" by Fr. John Mack)
That said... a favorite of mine to write out is the last Proverbs chapter on the Wife of Noble Character or the Virtuous Wife.
I am not a knowledgeable priest, nor a scholarly seminarian, and hardly a theologian, but I just wanted to share my thoughts on what it means to me to strive to be that wife portrayed so beautifully in Proverbs.
It is not an easy calling to be a good wife. A GOOD wife. Sure, just about anyone can be a wife. But I want to be more than that. I want to strive to be what God esteems as this Wife of Noble Character.
"Who will find a courageous wife? For such a one is more valuable than precious stones."
Just the first two sentences sum it up for me.
"The heart of her husband trusts in her. She will not be at a loss for fine spoils, for she provides good things for her husband all her life."
This is truly poetry... the heart of her husband trusts in her - he does not have a worry because his wife is a capable, strong woman.
"She weaves wool and linen cloth and is productive with her hands. She is like a ship trading afar off, so she procures her livelihood."
What I get from this is that a noble wife takes the initiative when she sees an opportunity - she doesn't need anyone to tell her what to do - and she is creative with it, utilizing her talents to do something good and useful for her household, for others, for her family.
"She also rises before dawn and gives food to her household and appoints tasks for her maidservants."
I'm working on the getting up early part, and can already see why this is such a wonderful habit to get into. There is such an accomplished feeling being up before one's child(ren), preparing your mind and body for the day, getting things done, and being entirely ready for them when they wake up. And, seeing as I don't and most likely never will have "maidservants," my thought is that the last bit here could mean there is importance and value in being skilled at delegating. For me, this will certainly include being a successful homeschooling mom who can motivate her children well.
"Seeing a farm, she buys it, and from the fruits of her hands she plants her plot of land."
Again, seizing an opportunity, but with careful consideration... she is wise and hard-working.
"Strongly girding her loins, she strengthens her arms for work. She experiences work as a good thing, and her lamp is not quenched all night. She extends her arms to do profitable things, and she applies her hands to the spindle."
She is capable - physically strong and competent. I certainly need to work on this one. "Her lamp is not quenched all night." Even when she could be resting in the darkness of the evening, she works by the light of her lamp. She doesn't cease her work until it is finished. She has patience, determination, and self-control.
"She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out with her fruit to the needy."
She is a giving and kind woman. She seeks the needs of others and fills them with her generosity.
"Her husband is not anxious about those at home when he spends a long time elsewhere, for all her household are clothed."
This wife is not a needy woman. She is not a child. She is a true woman, who needs no reassurance in the good of her hard work. She is self-sufficient and able to look after her household when her husband is absent. (Not to say that she is fulfilled without her husband, but meaning that she is not useless without him there.)
"She makes a double upper garment for her husband and garments of fine linen and purple for herself. Her husband is respected at the gates and when he sits in council with the elders who inhabit the land. She makes and sells fine linens and girdles to the Canaanites."
She is an industrial woman - practical, skilled and creative. She is good with her hands.
"She opens her mouth carefully and lawfully and controls her tongue. She clothes herself with strength and dignity and rejoices in the last days. She runs her household carefully, and she does not eat the bread of idleness. She opens her mouth wisely and lawfully, and her charity raises her children, and they become rich, and her husband praises her, "Many daughters acquire riches; many do mighty things, but you excel and surpass them all." Desires to please are deceitful, and the beauty of a wife is vain; for a wise wife is blessed, and let her in fear praise the Lord. Give to her from the fruits of her hands, and let her husband praise her at the gates."
Oh to be worthy of such praise! What a calling we have, as wives striving to be godly and dutiful! This wonderful illustration of what it looks like to be such a God fearing wife is certainly no small ambition to achieve.
I have several models of women in my life who exemplify what it means to be this Proverbs 31 wife. They are my real life examples. To my mother, my husband's mother, all of my married sisters, and my many dear married friends - you all teach me how to become a more godly and devoted wife to my husband, step by step, in little ways, (though you may not realize it), and your examples are very admired and looked up to. You inspire me, as does the example given to us all in the Wife of Noble Character, to have the courage and strength to be a worthy wife.
Here's the Quote of the Day: (It's a favorite of mine...)
"Nothing is more powerful than a pious and sensible woman to bring her husband into proper order, and to mold his soul as she wills. For he will not listen to friends, or teachers, or rulers as much as he will his partner advising and counseling him, since the advice carries some pleasures with it, because she who gives the counsel is greatly loved."
~ St. John Chrysostom (a quote from "Preserve Them, O Lord" by Fr. John Mack)
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