Football Foolery

I think I might just be a genius. In fact, I'm nearly sure of it.

I've had an epiphany.

I was watching the Vikings/Packers football game this past Sunday with my husband, and it occurred to me that I was paying attention to the game because I wanted to - not for the sake of my husband. Ok, it was also for the sake of my husband. But I've come to realize that football is not all that boring to watch. Actually, it's quite a bit more complicated than I could ever have guessed.

However, for those of you who watch football (and don't follow it that well or don't care to) solely for the sake of the company of your man, I've come up with some useful tips on how to appear "clued in" to the game while you could really be thinking about other things. That way, you win regardless. You get to think or do something else while in the company of your man, but also make him happy by leading him to believe you're enjoying the game (based on the helpful phrases you're interjecting from time to time, which I'm just about to provide for you.)

First, a couple rules of thumb.

#! Brett Favre's last name is pronounced "Farve." Don't ask me why, but it will save much embarrassment for you (and your man, especially if his friends are present) if you memorize this crucial fact.

#2 Offense and defense are totally different sets of players from the same team (they just play at different parts of the game). I didn't learn this until last year.

And now, my top seven fool-proof, fail-safe tips:

#1 When a player tackles another player (especially one who is running with the football), and hits the ground hard, say, "Wow, he just got jacked up!" It will be just about impossible for your guy to think you weren't paying special attention. Also, never say "that guy." That is a total giveaway that you have no clue what said player's name is. Instead, always use "he" or "him."

#2 Whenever the referee says "Holding" or "Off sides," say, "Why are you making stupid penalties?"

#3 Always root for your guy's team.

#4 When a player is making a bolting run for the end-zone (where touchdowns are scored - touchdowns are very good,) start getting really excited and yell, "Go go go go GO!!" Don't just glance up at the screen to check for running players however - make for absolute certain that it's the players on your team that you're cheering on.

#5 During halftime or commercial breaks, when the announcers are discussing the current game, just say, "Get back to the game already... enough with the useless color commentary..." This is the "clued in" way of saying that you're tired of the gobbledygook.

#6 If you've taken a break from the game and come back into it, always ask, "What's the score?"

#7 Keep track of at least one player you know is out because of an injury. That way, you can say (maybe about halfway through the game, especially if your team isn't doing so hot,) "Man, I sure wish so-n-so wasn't out on a shoulder injury." Not only does this open the table for your guy and others to pick up the conversation, but you were the one who initiated it and it shows that you know what you're talking about.

* Additional tip: It helps to go to your team's website before the game to see which players are out because of an injury. Always make sure whichever player you mention is matched up correctly with whatever injury.

I hope that helps you the next time you want to score those extra brownie points while watching a game. And if you know completely what you're talking about (I'm a beginner), you may disregard this post entirely.

Enjoy the football season. Go Colts!!!

Cheers.


Here's the Quote of the Day. I thought it was appropriate.

"When a team outgrows individual performance and learns team confidence, excellence becomes a reality.”

~ Joe Paterno (legendary Penn State football head coach, age 86)