As a new mom, I think I've been craving routine of some sort - for me. Cillian is finally in a good routine now (which is bound to change at any time, I'm sure, now that I have gotten the pattern down,) but I still haven't had much of one. Something Caleb and I have decided to do, which I think will really help my need for consistency, is having breakfast together in the mornings before he goes to work. The routine is that we get up at 7 and he takes a shower and gets ready for work while I go downstairs and make eggs and toast and sausage for us.
And my, it's a wonderful thing...
So this week, we have succeeded in having this routine start out our days twice out of the four days so far. Monday, Caleb took the day off and took me out to Cracker Barrel, and yesterday morning both of us decided sleep was much more important than eating. So this morning we struggled a bit to get out of bed, but I really wanted to fight this and get into a good habit of it. I know how much better my mood and general attitude towards the day is when I start off the mornings right, and especially with Caleb.
I want to make this a good habit. After all, we go to bed together and have a good evening routine - why shouldn't we have a good morning one together as well? It makes me so happy to do things with Caleb. I think it's really important for a marriage to be a wife first and a mother second. They go hand in hand, don't get me wrong, but Caleb is my baby too and he came first.
Along with breakfasts, we have started eating healthier, which is something that has needed to happen since we got married. We haven't been eating entirely unhealthy things, but we as not as healthy of eaters as we could be. For me, eating healthy means starting the day early enough to have breakfast, lunch and dinner, and not just breakfast and dinner as a result of starting my day at 1 PM. So, the getting up with Caleb change works beautifully. I'm still a bit tired, but as we gradually get to bed earlier, that will change and get better too.
So, on the menu this week starting Tuesday, (Monday doesn't count because we a) had Taco Bell, which is not healthy and b) grocery shopped that day) we have had Chicken Caesar salads as a dinner, Wednesday we had Penne pasta and alfredo with green beans, tonight we're having stuffed chicken and corn or green beans (I haven't decided yet), and tomorrow we're having tilapia with a vegetable. We are also trying to stick to serving portions given on whatever food we eat. And it's all going pretty well so far.
Another change along with beginning to eat right is that we're going to start a normal exercise routine. We decided to start this coming Monday rather than in the middle of the week so that it begins right. We're starting a running program that my sisters-in-law have done, one of whom ran her first half-marathon an impressive 8 months later. The program is designed in such a way that you will be able to run 2 miles straight after completing the 8-week training. You do something every day, six days out of the week (hence why we want to begin on a Monday). The first day is ten repetitions of a walk 2 minutes/run 1 minute pattern for a half hour, the next day is just walking 30 minutes, and it alternates for the first four days, then the fifth and sixth days are running/walking days and Sunday, you rest. Then the next week, the pattern is slightly different, and it gradually gets more challenging week by week. I'm very excited about it. I really, really want to stick with it. It says the first two miles you run are the most difficult you'll ever run, and after that, it's pretty easy to work up to however many miles you want to run. I think 3-4 sounds good.
So, with eating more healthily and exercising, I'm hoping to a) lose my baby weight, b) tone up (especially my core), feel stronger and have more energy and c) look better in my clothes and go down a few sizes.
I'm going to be vulnerably frank here - I gained nearly sixty pounds from pregnancy. My wedding weight was somewhere around 125-130, and my weight up to delivering Cillian was about 190-something. I would love love love to get back down to my wedding weight, but my realistic goal for now is 140. I think I would be very healthy to be down at that weight, especially if I'm noticeably more toned. My numbers currently dance around 168-170. So I'm going to keep updates on the blog as to how everything is going - how the running and exercising is and how the eating, meal planning and cooking goes. I'll also post a weekly weigh in. (That'll help me!)
I'm very happy about all of this. Finally changing my attitude (though it be gradual) about food is very refreshing. It's amazing how appealing a salad every day sounds. My new diet consists of breakfast with Caleb, which is two eggs overeasy with one piece of toast (buttered), and two sausage links; between breakfast and lunch, I'll have some fruit (an apple or banana) and maybe some peanuts or cheese; then lunch is a big spinach salad with a little bit of chopped nuts, a sprinkle of parmesan, and the correct serving size of raspberry vinaigrette with some soup. It's very yummy. Just having more salad and drinking plenty of water makes me feel better. I like it when I'm in control of my stomach. It feels right, and it feels so good. No wonder fasting is spiritual! It is certainly one of the passions I have the most trouble controlling, but now I think I'm off to a good start.
Also, we're trying not to eat after 8 PM, which is a great habit to introduce for anyone. And I'm going to try and start drinking more water too. I was so good at this when I was pregnant, but I've kind of lost my urgency for it, which shouldn't make any sense as I should be drinking more water than ever now that I'm breastfeeding. Ideally, you should be drinking half your weight in ounces, but I need to be drinking more. So, I'm going to try filling my 32-oz. water bottle up three times a day, trying to have a full bottle between breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, and then in the evening and throughout the night when I'm up breastfeeding.
So now, I'm drinking my morning tea and enjoying this gorgeous morning. I'm so happy it's fall.
Cheers.
Here's the Quote of the Day:
"Think nothing and do nothing without a purpose directed to God. For to journey without direction is wasted effort."
~ St. Mark the Ascetic
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Projects and Bedtime Stories
Starting last Tuesday night, something happened that Caleb and I have been talking about doing since before we got engaged. We both dreamed of reading to one another once we were finally married (and once Caleb was finally back in the US, as he was in England the first seven months of our relationship). Furthermore, the idea we had was that he would read me all of the Chronicles of Narnia books and I would read him all of the Harry Potter books as there are seven in each series. From the time we were engaged to the present, we'd gotten through maybe a chapter or two of each first book.
So, within the last seven days, Caleb read Prince Caspian to me. We chose this one because we're already so familiar with the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and since this is the next one in the order C. S. Lewis wrote the books, we started with it. I had forgotten how riveting it is to be read a story. Prince Caspian is one of the Narnia books I'm least familiar with, and I was eager to listen to my fantastic storyteller.
I found myself waking up looking forward to the evening because there was going to be more of the story... I never want to forget this wondrous, child-like anticipation. It is so enchanting.
Caleb finished reading Prince Caspian to me last night. Voyage of the Dawn Treader is next. Maybe we'll start tonight! (grin)
Something that kind of goes hand in hand with the bedtime stories... I've got a couple knitting projects going and have started to become a better knitter. It's something I've always enjoyed, and last week, (with some birthday money and a gift card to my ever-favorite Hobby Lobby,) I bought some yarn, a pair of knitting needles, some knitting books, AND a wedding photo album all for about $40. You guessed it - I was a happy gal.
I've never explored patterns or anything, so this time I really wanted to try getting into it (hence the knitting book.) And man, reading knitting patterns is tricky! But I guess once you get it, it's easy. And I'm a very consistent knitter, so it's pretty easy so far. For those of you who are knitters and might like knowing - I chose a simple knit two/purl two pattern (which creates a beautiful ribbed look) for a scarf I'm making for my brother-in-law for his birthday. I found a gorgeous charcoal grey color that I couldn't pass up... I think he'll like it.
As for the photo album, I've been meaning to put one together of our wedding pictures for... well... ever since we got married last year! So this is a long-overdue project to complete, and I'm going to really enjoy it. I've narrowed our 500-something pictures down to 200 (which is how many the album fits.) So now all I have to do is get them printed! And I'm going to do that here as soon as I get Cillian from his nap (I can hear him waking up) and service him and get him all ready to go. :)
So here's a Quote of the Day (it's short and sweet):
"Godliness is perfection that is never complete."
~ St. Philotheos of Sinai
So, within the last seven days, Caleb read Prince Caspian to me. We chose this one because we're already so familiar with the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and since this is the next one in the order C. S. Lewis wrote the books, we started with it. I had forgotten how riveting it is to be read a story. Prince Caspian is one of the Narnia books I'm least familiar with, and I was eager to listen to my fantastic storyteller.
I found myself waking up looking forward to the evening because there was going to be more of the story... I never want to forget this wondrous, child-like anticipation. It is so enchanting.
Caleb finished reading Prince Caspian to me last night. Voyage of the Dawn Treader is next. Maybe we'll start tonight! (grin)
Something that kind of goes hand in hand with the bedtime stories... I've got a couple knitting projects going and have started to become a better knitter. It's something I've always enjoyed, and last week, (with some birthday money and a gift card to my ever-favorite Hobby Lobby,) I bought some yarn, a pair of knitting needles, some knitting books, AND a wedding photo album all for about $40. You guessed it - I was a happy gal.
I've never explored patterns or anything, so this time I really wanted to try getting into it (hence the knitting book.) And man, reading knitting patterns is tricky! But I guess once you get it, it's easy. And I'm a very consistent knitter, so it's pretty easy so far. For those of you who are knitters and might like knowing - I chose a simple knit two/purl two pattern (which creates a beautiful ribbed look) for a scarf I'm making for my brother-in-law for his birthday. I found a gorgeous charcoal grey color that I couldn't pass up... I think he'll like it.
As for the photo album, I've been meaning to put one together of our wedding pictures for... well... ever since we got married last year! So this is a long-overdue project to complete, and I'm going to really enjoy it. I've narrowed our 500-something pictures down to 200 (which is how many the album fits.) So now all I have to do is get them printed! And I'm going to do that here as soon as I get Cillian from his nap (I can hear him waking up) and service him and get him all ready to go. :)
So here's a Quote of the Day (it's short and sweet):
"Godliness is perfection that is never complete."
~ St. Philotheos of Sinai
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Milestones
For the past three months, since we brought Cillian home from the hospital, he has slept next to our bed in a co-sleeper. It was a wonderful arrangement and worked great. And I knew that around three months would be a good time to transition him into his own room in his crib. So, after his three month checkup yesterday, I had it in the back of my mind to talk to Caleb about it.
That night, Caleb and I discussed it and decided to just do it. We moved everything (the rocker and the co-sleeper - which is now functional as a changing table,) into his room and he spent his first night away from us. He did splendidly and slept an outstanding eight and a half hours (from around 10:40 PM to 7:15 AM). I'm so glad we didn't have to worry about him screaming or crying throughout the night. Woohoo!!
So he's sleeping pretty well, which is very nice. Next milestone will probably be teething, which I'm a bit apprehensive for. Any tips, tricks, and advice would be SO very welcome! I would love to know all I can before it happens.
Something I noticed this morning... I got up around 10:45 after feeding Cillian (who promptly fell asleep for another two hours), took a shower, made an effort to wear SSS (Something Somewhat Stylish), put on some makeup and did morning prayers. What I realized was this. It's remarkable how different my day goes based on how I start it as either a Natalie morning or a Mommy morning. Not that one is better than the other - they're simply different. When it's a Mommy morning, I tend to gravitate toward the quick T-shirt and comfortable pants combination versus trying to put an outfit together that is both comfortable and something I would look good wearing in public. I also forgo wearing makeup when it's a Mommy morning. And I've actually become much more comfortable doing that since I've been working hard at keeping my skin in good condition (which is pretty easy once it gets to the standard I like to keep.) So that's just something I want to try to get better at - feeling like myself while being a good mom. There's a balance to be found, and I'm getting there.
Backing up to last night, I did something I haven't done in several months. I picked up my five pound weights and worked my arms like nobody's business. And boy, I can feel it today, so I know I did a reasonable job. My triceps, especially. It's nice to feel some muscle soreness! I had no idea how much I missed that feeling. So hopefully that will become a nice routine - working out a bit before bed. And Caleb did some pushups while I worked my weights. It was a nice feeling.
So today was certainly a very good day. I got some laundry done and got the grocery shopping accomplished. Tomorrow's project is to work on more laundry and straighten up the house so it looks more presentable.
Here's the quote of the day:
"The first duty of a Christian, of a disciple and follower of Jesus Christ, is to deny oneself. To deny oneself means to give up one's bad habits, to root out of the heart all that ties us to the world; not to cherish bad desires and thoughts; to quench and suppress bad thoughts; to avoid occasions of sin; not to do or desire anything from self-love but to do everything out of love for God. To deny oneself means, according to the Apostle Paul, to be dead to sin and the world, but alive to God."
~ St. Innocent of Alaska
That night, Caleb and I discussed it and decided to just do it. We moved everything (the rocker and the co-sleeper - which is now functional as a changing table,) into his room and he spent his first night away from us. He did splendidly and slept an outstanding eight and a half hours (from around 10:40 PM to 7:15 AM). I'm so glad we didn't have to worry about him screaming or crying throughout the night. Woohoo!!
So he's sleeping pretty well, which is very nice. Next milestone will probably be teething, which I'm a bit apprehensive for. Any tips, tricks, and advice would be SO very welcome! I would love to know all I can before it happens.
Something I noticed this morning... I got up around 10:45 after feeding Cillian (who promptly fell asleep for another two hours), took a shower, made an effort to wear SSS (Something Somewhat Stylish), put on some makeup and did morning prayers. What I realized was this. It's remarkable how different my day goes based on how I start it as either a Natalie morning or a Mommy morning. Not that one is better than the other - they're simply different. When it's a Mommy morning, I tend to gravitate toward the quick T-shirt and comfortable pants combination versus trying to put an outfit together that is both comfortable and something I would look good wearing in public. I also forgo wearing makeup when it's a Mommy morning. And I've actually become much more comfortable doing that since I've been working hard at keeping my skin in good condition (which is pretty easy once it gets to the standard I like to keep.) So that's just something I want to try to get better at - feeling like myself while being a good mom. There's a balance to be found, and I'm getting there.
Backing up to last night, I did something I haven't done in several months. I picked up my five pound weights and worked my arms like nobody's business. And boy, I can feel it today, so I know I did a reasonable job. My triceps, especially. It's nice to feel some muscle soreness! I had no idea how much I missed that feeling. So hopefully that will become a nice routine - working out a bit before bed. And Caleb did some pushups while I worked my weights. It was a nice feeling.
So today was certainly a very good day. I got some laundry done and got the grocery shopping accomplished. Tomorrow's project is to work on more laundry and straighten up the house so it looks more presentable.
Here's the quote of the day:
"The first duty of a Christian, of a disciple and follower of Jesus Christ, is to deny oneself. To deny oneself means to give up one's bad habits, to root out of the heart all that ties us to the world; not to cherish bad desires and thoughts; to quench and suppress bad thoughts; to avoid occasions of sin; not to do or desire anything from self-love but to do everything out of love for God. To deny oneself means, according to the Apostle Paul, to be dead to sin and the world, but alive to God."
~ St. Innocent of Alaska
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
A Week to Remember
First off, apologies for not having written in nearly a week - I'd meant to be more regular! But, at least I'm writing every few days and that's certainly better than I've ever done. So I'm alright with it.
Here's an update on this week's meals.... they went pretty well!
For Tuesday's menu, I made a meatless lasagna (which I'm going to start making WITH the meat now...) with a salad (spring mix, topped with chopped almonds, parmesan, and raspberry vinaigrette), and some wonderfully crusty Italian bread. The lasagna came out alright. I've done better in some respects, but I definitely think lasagna is one of those recipes you have to tinker with over time to really get that "family secret recipe" effect. So, I'm going to be patient with that one.
As for the bread.... I have to take a moment to rave and rant about this bread because it is THE BEST I have ever tasted. (This is the second time I've gotten it.) The best parat about it is that it's only three bucks at Meijer, and it is called an "All Natural White Mountain Boule." (That's what the label says.) And wow.... if you just pop it in the oven to crisp for a few minutes, it comes out perfectly chewy on the inside and the epitome of crispiness on the outside. It's heavenly. And I love it.
Wednesday night, I made double baked loaded potatoes with broccoli. Not much of a sophisticated dinner, but it was delicious and filling. We each had half a head of broccoli, so I'd say we both had our vegetable quotient for the day! And the potatoes came out great.
Thursday night was my victory night.... it was perfect. I made omelets and hashbrowns (the way my Mom makes them, which is little cubes of potatoes fried in tons of butter). It was perrrfect, I tell you. The omelets had sausage, finely diced green pepper, and shredded cheddar cheese.
And that's the cooking update. :)
So..... I've had an epiphany. I think I've realized that all I need (in order to feel productive and motivated and just...better,) is to get out more. Cillian and I visited a good friend and her little boy today for the afternoon and it was a wonderful time. Just the thing I needed. I came home mentally and emotionally refreshed, made dinner (fettuccine alfredo, fresh green beans, salad and bread), cleaned the kitchen and commenced to finish the laundry and straighten the upstairs. So, I'm thinking about starting to go to some kind of support group for mothers and see how getting out of the house on a regular basis goes. That and setting up more "playdates." (I put it in quotations because they're more for me than for my three-month-old at this point.)
Today was a very, very good day. I got a lot done, had a shower, visited a friend, got to drive, and came up with the beginnings of a new piano composition (something that has not happened in months.) Glory to God for all things!
A further explanation for my previous post, "Hypocrite," so as not to be misunderstood (I fear it may have been misleading): I am not depressed, as I may have led some of you to suppose. And I am fortunate not to be suffering from any baby blues. I am simply adjusting and trying to figure out what's "real." I apologize for any misunderstanding I might have projected by writing as I did. I assure you, I am completely happy! I have recently learned that I really need to be ok with what I am capable of accomplishing, whether it be simply getting showered one day or cleaning the whole house the next. I am not superwoman (yet...haha), and I shouldn't beat myself up for not meeting my lofty expectations - though they be for myself. I have to be a realist for now, not an idealist. I'll be much happier with things if I just accept that I can't do everything. So there you have it!
It's been a very good week. I feel more balanced and much more grounded. I'm realizing it's ok to be emotional if I have to be, because I've never gone through so many changes (and changes of this monumental nature) in such a short time before in my whole life. I'd be in trouble if I wasn't being somewhat emotional. So this week was somewhat of a milestone because now I have a feel for what direction I need to head toward. One step at a time, Natalie... one step at a time.
I'm excited for the weekend. Both of our families are coming tomorrow to celebrate my birthday a day early with us, and I'm eager to see all of them. It'll be a fun time. Two more days until I'm entirely LEGAL!!!!
I think I'll leave you with the Quote of the Day...
"In marriage the festive joy of the first day should last for the whole of life: every day should be a feast day; every day husband and wife should appear to each other as new, extraordinary beings. The only way of achieving this: let both deepen their spiritual life, and strive hard in the task of self-development."
~ Fr. Alexander Elchaninov, Diary of a Russian Priest (from the book "Preserve Them, O Lord")
That is one of my favorite quotes of all time from one of my favorite books of all time. Very spiritually enriching.
Here's an update on this week's meals.... they went pretty well!
For Tuesday's menu, I made a meatless lasagna (which I'm going to start making WITH the meat now...) with a salad (spring mix, topped with chopped almonds, parmesan, and raspberry vinaigrette), and some wonderfully crusty Italian bread. The lasagna came out alright. I've done better in some respects, but I definitely think lasagna is one of those recipes you have to tinker with over time to really get that "family secret recipe" effect. So, I'm going to be patient with that one.
As for the bread.... I have to take a moment to rave and rant about this bread because it is THE BEST I have ever tasted. (This is the second time I've gotten it.) The best parat about it is that it's only three bucks at Meijer, and it is called an "All Natural White Mountain Boule." (That's what the label says.) And wow.... if you just pop it in the oven to crisp for a few minutes, it comes out perfectly chewy on the inside and the epitome of crispiness on the outside. It's heavenly. And I love it.
Wednesday night, I made double baked loaded potatoes with broccoli. Not much of a sophisticated dinner, but it was delicious and filling. We each had half a head of broccoli, so I'd say we both had our vegetable quotient for the day! And the potatoes came out great.
Thursday night was my victory night.... it was perfect. I made omelets and hashbrowns (the way my Mom makes them, which is little cubes of potatoes fried in tons of butter). It was perrrfect, I tell you. The omelets had sausage, finely diced green pepper, and shredded cheddar cheese.
And that's the cooking update. :)
So..... I've had an epiphany. I think I've realized that all I need (in order to feel productive and motivated and just...better,) is to get out more. Cillian and I visited a good friend and her little boy today for the afternoon and it was a wonderful time. Just the thing I needed. I came home mentally and emotionally refreshed, made dinner (fettuccine alfredo, fresh green beans, salad and bread), cleaned the kitchen and commenced to finish the laundry and straighten the upstairs. So, I'm thinking about starting to go to some kind of support group for mothers and see how getting out of the house on a regular basis goes. That and setting up more "playdates." (I put it in quotations because they're more for me than for my three-month-old at this point.)
Today was a very, very good day. I got a lot done, had a shower, visited a friend, got to drive, and came up with the beginnings of a new piano composition (something that has not happened in months.) Glory to God for all things!
A further explanation for my previous post, "Hypocrite," so as not to be misunderstood (I fear it may have been misleading): I am not depressed, as I may have led some of you to suppose. And I am fortunate not to be suffering from any baby blues. I am simply adjusting and trying to figure out what's "real." I apologize for any misunderstanding I might have projected by writing as I did. I assure you, I am completely happy! I have recently learned that I really need to be ok with what I am capable of accomplishing, whether it be simply getting showered one day or cleaning the whole house the next. I am not superwoman (yet...haha), and I shouldn't beat myself up for not meeting my lofty expectations - though they be for myself. I have to be a realist for now, not an idealist. I'll be much happier with things if I just accept that I can't do everything. So there you have it!
It's been a very good week. I feel more balanced and much more grounded. I'm realizing it's ok to be emotional if I have to be, because I've never gone through so many changes (and changes of this monumental nature) in such a short time before in my whole life. I'd be in trouble if I wasn't being somewhat emotional. So this week was somewhat of a milestone because now I have a feel for what direction I need to head toward. One step at a time, Natalie... one step at a time.
I'm excited for the weekend. Both of our families are coming tomorrow to celebrate my birthday a day early with us, and I'm eager to see all of them. It'll be a fun time. Two more days until I'm entirely LEGAL!!!!
I think I'll leave you with the Quote of the Day...
"In marriage the festive joy of the first day should last for the whole of life: every day should be a feast day; every day husband and wife should appear to each other as new, extraordinary beings. The only way of achieving this: let both deepen their spiritual life, and strive hard in the task of self-development."
~ Fr. Alexander Elchaninov, Diary of a Russian Priest (from the book "Preserve Them, O Lord")
That is one of my favorite quotes of all time from one of my favorite books of all time. Very spiritually enriching.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Hypocrite
*Warning* - this is going to be a long one...
I'm on my way to figuring out why I've been feeling so aimless recently. Well... not exactly recently. I've been in a "funk" for a while now (probably a good several months), and I really can't seem to put a finger on the problem. I think it might actually be a whole bunch of little problems all happening at once. But I can't be sure...
To get into it a little more, I really have the perfect life. Truly, I do. I worship my husband - the most incredible man I could ever dream of having married, I adore my little son, I stay at home, I don't have school to worry about, and I have the best families and friends imaginable. So what's my freakin' problem?
There's simply something huge missing.
I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I'm definitely struggling with a decent prayer life. And I'm more than wrestling with my thought life, which is essentially closer to the root of the problem - I'm having trouble being a devout Orthodox Christian. Yes, yes, I know you might be thinking, Well everybody goes through that, it's part of the battle of striving for a godly life. But I feel like this is something more. Or maybe it's the same as it has always been and I finally feel the most compelled to do something about it than ever before.
Really though, it's messing me up. Sometimes I get the feeling like the devil is just confusing me and toying around with my thoughts. I've never been so emotional in my life - and I'm a pretty emotionally-controlled person, or so I've always thought. So that scares me because I don't WANT to be emotional. I'm so exasperated feeling like I'm being ruled by my thoughts. It's exhausting. And it puts a toll on Caleb, which I certainly don't want. I do NOT want to be a burdensome wife with all these problems and being needy and everything on top of that. I want to be independent enough as a wife that I'm not high maintenance.
Now, when I get in these "down-and-out" kind of funks, I'll do things (like cleaning, laundry, playing piano, and other productive things, etc.) - things that make me happy or better at having accomplished something - to get myself out of them. And it works, but only temporarily, which tells me that I'm going to have to do something bigger than just changing my actions. I've got to change my lifestyle. My attitude. My habitual, slothful being.
I am such an enormous, disgusting hypocrite. I go to Liturgy every Sunday, go through the motions, sing, pray, talk to people, and come home and fall into the trap of being a Sunday-Christian. It's loathsome. I do say some kind of morning prayers every morning, but I've got to do more than that. The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. I should be acting like it.
I should not be living life at this level of mediocrity. Lord, help me.
I have this daily calendar of the lives of the saints, which is where I've gotten most of the Quotes of the Day from. It's excellent - for each day, it has two Scripture readings (one from the Old Testament, one from the New Testament,) a commemorated saint or saints (and I'm sure that varies each year since there are so many saints for each day of the year,) and their story, then it will have whether or not it's a fasting day and what to fast from, and then it will have a quote from a saint or bishop or elder. It's a wonderful way to begin the day, reading a little something to get you started off on the right foot. My problem is staying on that foot.
In the Orthodox Church, there are several wonderful little prayers to keep one on track throughout the day. The best is the Jesus Prayer - "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." It can be abbreviated in various ways, such as "Lord, have mercy," or even shorter, "Jesus, mercy." Something that goes hand in hand with this prayer is the usage of the prayer rope, which I have, but don't use. Oh, I wear it, but I don't pray with it with the urgency I should. Now for acting out my faith.
I decided on this wonderful quote from, my favorite, Elder Ephraim of the Holy Mountain for today's Quote of the Day.
"I pray that your soul is in good health, for when it is healthy, it has patience in afflictions, it has self-denial with the body and in its thoughts; and it fears neither illnesses nor selfish thoughts. When the soul is healthy, it has love within itself; it does not scandalize other; it endures a brother's harsh words; it does not expose his faults in public; it always has something good to say about his brother; it gives way in quarrels and escapes having bitter thoughts and distress. When the soul is healthy, it does not get angry, complain, talk back, murmur, disobey; it does not follow its own whims, and it does so many other things indicative of spiritual health. This health is what I seek from you; this is what I advise; for this I do pray."
~ Elder Ephraim of the Holy Mountain
Spiritual health. What a great image. I've been going through all the quotes from the year so far and writing out the ones I find most applicable in a quotes journal. Writing them out by hand really helps me internalize them. I'm going to have to include more than just one Quote of the Day for today, since they are so good, and they definitely tie into what I'm writing about for this post.
Basically, I suppose the theme of what I'm trying to say is that I'm having trouble being a striving Orthodox Christian. I don't feel spiritually challenged, and I yearn for that. So I have decided I need to start diving into my faith. I want to learn more about what I believe. I want to try harder at working toward my salvation in being a better wife and mother, in being thankful for the blessings I am so richly endowed with, in taking what I'm given each day and working with it, in finding ways to improve myself as a Christian woman.
Here's a fantastic quote by St. Gregory the Theologian.
"You will never surpass God's generosity, even if you hand over your entire substance and yourself in the bargain. Indeed, to receive - in the truest sense - is to give oneself to God."
That comforts my heart beyond words. I think I've become weakened by the devil's subtle manipulation, and my soul has become wearied with false doubts. I am incredibly blessed, and that is a fact. There is nothing I can do to revoke God's love for me. All I have to do is try to do the best I can with this life He has given me. And I just have to get up and try again. It's as simple as that.
Thanks for reading such a long-winded epistle. Your patience, prayers, and comments are immensely appreciated!
Glory to God for all things!
I'm on my way to figuring out why I've been feeling so aimless recently. Well... not exactly recently. I've been in a "funk" for a while now (probably a good several months), and I really can't seem to put a finger on the problem. I think it might actually be a whole bunch of little problems all happening at once. But I can't be sure...
To get into it a little more, I really have the perfect life. Truly, I do. I worship my husband - the most incredible man I could ever dream of having married, I adore my little son, I stay at home, I don't have school to worry about, and I have the best families and friends imaginable. So what's my freakin' problem?
There's simply something huge missing.
I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I'm definitely struggling with a decent prayer life. And I'm more than wrestling with my thought life, which is essentially closer to the root of the problem - I'm having trouble being a devout Orthodox Christian. Yes, yes, I know you might be thinking, Well everybody goes through that, it's part of the battle of striving for a godly life. But I feel like this is something more. Or maybe it's the same as it has always been and I finally feel the most compelled to do something about it than ever before.
Really though, it's messing me up. Sometimes I get the feeling like the devil is just confusing me and toying around with my thoughts. I've never been so emotional in my life - and I'm a pretty emotionally-controlled person, or so I've always thought. So that scares me because I don't WANT to be emotional. I'm so exasperated feeling like I'm being ruled by my thoughts. It's exhausting. And it puts a toll on Caleb, which I certainly don't want. I do NOT want to be a burdensome wife with all these problems and being needy and everything on top of that. I want to be independent enough as a wife that I'm not high maintenance.
Now, when I get in these "down-and-out" kind of funks, I'll do things (like cleaning, laundry, playing piano, and other productive things, etc.) - things that make me happy or better at having accomplished something - to get myself out of them. And it works, but only temporarily, which tells me that I'm going to have to do something bigger than just changing my actions. I've got to change my lifestyle. My attitude. My habitual, slothful being.
I am such an enormous, disgusting hypocrite. I go to Liturgy every Sunday, go through the motions, sing, pray, talk to people, and come home and fall into the trap of being a Sunday-Christian. It's loathsome. I do say some kind of morning prayers every morning, but I've got to do more than that. The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. I should be acting like it.
I should not be living life at this level of mediocrity. Lord, help me.
I have this daily calendar of the lives of the saints, which is where I've gotten most of the Quotes of the Day from. It's excellent - for each day, it has two Scripture readings (one from the Old Testament, one from the New Testament,) a commemorated saint or saints (and I'm sure that varies each year since there are so many saints for each day of the year,) and their story, then it will have whether or not it's a fasting day and what to fast from, and then it will have a quote from a saint or bishop or elder. It's a wonderful way to begin the day, reading a little something to get you started off on the right foot. My problem is staying on that foot.
In the Orthodox Church, there are several wonderful little prayers to keep one on track throughout the day. The best is the Jesus Prayer - "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." It can be abbreviated in various ways, such as "Lord, have mercy," or even shorter, "Jesus, mercy." Something that goes hand in hand with this prayer is the usage of the prayer rope, which I have, but don't use. Oh, I wear it, but I don't pray with it with the urgency I should. Now for acting out my faith.
I decided on this wonderful quote from, my favorite, Elder Ephraim of the Holy Mountain for today's Quote of the Day.
"I pray that your soul is in good health, for when it is healthy, it has patience in afflictions, it has self-denial with the body and in its thoughts; and it fears neither illnesses nor selfish thoughts. When the soul is healthy, it has love within itself; it does not scandalize other; it endures a brother's harsh words; it does not expose his faults in public; it always has something good to say about his brother; it gives way in quarrels and escapes having bitter thoughts and distress. When the soul is healthy, it does not get angry, complain, talk back, murmur, disobey; it does not follow its own whims, and it does so many other things indicative of spiritual health. This health is what I seek from you; this is what I advise; for this I do pray."
~ Elder Ephraim of the Holy Mountain
Spiritual health. What a great image. I've been going through all the quotes from the year so far and writing out the ones I find most applicable in a quotes journal. Writing them out by hand really helps me internalize them. I'm going to have to include more than just one Quote of the Day for today, since they are so good, and they definitely tie into what I'm writing about for this post.
Basically, I suppose the theme of what I'm trying to say is that I'm having trouble being a striving Orthodox Christian. I don't feel spiritually challenged, and I yearn for that. So I have decided I need to start diving into my faith. I want to learn more about what I believe. I want to try harder at working toward my salvation in being a better wife and mother, in being thankful for the blessings I am so richly endowed with, in taking what I'm given each day and working with it, in finding ways to improve myself as a Christian woman.
Here's a fantastic quote by St. Gregory the Theologian.
"You will never surpass God's generosity, even if you hand over your entire substance and yourself in the bargain. Indeed, to receive - in the truest sense - is to give oneself to God."
That comforts my heart beyond words. I think I've become weakened by the devil's subtle manipulation, and my soul has become wearied with false doubts. I am incredibly blessed, and that is a fact. There is nothing I can do to revoke God's love for me. All I have to do is try to do the best I can with this life He has given me. And I just have to get up and try again. It's as simple as that.
Thanks for reading such a long-winded epistle. Your patience, prayers, and comments are immensely appreciated!
Glory to God for all things!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Ordinary
Today is simply an ordinary day - it's a Wednesday. Cillian and I woke up at 11 AM this morning and started the day off to a bit of a late start. He was very happy this morning, which I always love. It puts me in such a good mood when he's awake, smiling up at me from the side of our bed. So we had our normal routine: feed, change, I change (or shower and then change), and then we say our morning prayers and go downstairs for breakfast. On the occasion that Cillian goes straight back to sleep after his morning feeding, I turn the monitor on and try to get as much done as I can (usually laundry) before he wakes up again.
The rest of the day normally consists of play, feed, change, sleep, repeat. Sometimes while he's awake and happy, I'll let him kick around in his pack n play while I plink some piano for him.
I've composed a waltz for him that I've been perfecting for a year now. I decided to entitle it Cillian's Waltz since, when I was pregnant with him, he would kick particularly playfully when I performed it for him and now, he likes to "sing" along.
Sometimes, I read, sometimes I write, mostly something on the computer, which is not how I'd like it to be. I need to restrain myself from so much media... I really use the computer too much, I think. I need to rediscover my love for reading and practicing hand-writing (letters and journalism alike) and drawing and knitting. Productive things I could be doing with my hands other than getting better at....typing, I suppose.
I think the most eventful thing about this post will probably be the Quote of the Day, which I'll leave you with.
"Everyone is made in God's image; but to be in His likeness is granted only to those who through great love have brought their own freedom into subjection to God. For only when we do not belong to ourselves do we become like Him who through love has reconciled us to Himself. No one achieves this unless he persuades his soul not to be distracted by the false glitter of this life."
~ St. Diadochos of Photiki
The rest of the day normally consists of play, feed, change, sleep, repeat. Sometimes while he's awake and happy, I'll let him kick around in his pack n play while I plink some piano for him.
I've composed a waltz for him that I've been perfecting for a year now. I decided to entitle it Cillian's Waltz since, when I was pregnant with him, he would kick particularly playfully when I performed it for him and now, he likes to "sing" along.
Sometimes, I read, sometimes I write, mostly something on the computer, which is not how I'd like it to be. I need to restrain myself from so much media... I really use the computer too much, I think. I need to rediscover my love for reading and practicing hand-writing (letters and journalism alike) and drawing and knitting. Productive things I could be doing with my hands other than getting better at....typing, I suppose.
I think the most eventful thing about this post will probably be the Quote of the Day, which I'll leave you with.
"Everyone is made in God's image; but to be in His likeness is granted only to those who through great love have brought their own freedom into subjection to God. For only when we do not belong to ourselves do we become like Him who through love has reconciled us to Himself. No one achieves this unless he persuades his soul not to be distracted by the false glitter of this life."
~ St. Diadochos of Photiki
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)